(Stick with me here, or ignore this one, I am writing it more for my reflection and to save!)
Well, on the 4th of July, I ran the Twin Cities Red, White and Boom 1/2 Marathon. How was it? Humid the first 3 miles and it started to rain at mile 3 and didn't stop until 30 min after I finished. Hello Wetness! I have never ran in pouring rain like that, with my clothes sticking to me, my feet soaking wet, and slushing through puddles.
From the beginning, I could tell it would not be a great race. I am not sure why, but I knew by mile 3 that I was not in top shape. Maybe the humidity, the rain, the fact I ran a full marathon 28 days earlier, the lovely car alarm in the hotel parking lot that went off from 2 a.m. and was STILL going when we checked out at noon...whatever. It was a tough race for me.
Yet...
While I was unhappy about my run; I am glad I ran it.
You see, I started running races 3 years ago (my first 5 mile race in July 2008) and have run 12 different races, with 1- 25k, 3 marathons, 4 half marathons, 2- 5k's, and 2- 5 mile. In all of these? Great weather. Hotness/humidity was the only issue, and that was the last portions of the races. Otherwise, I have been pretty lucky.
As I ran, and felt that it wasn't going to be a 'great' race, I started to beat myself up a little bit. "Sara, get with it, you are so slow. You are being passed, you suck..." and on. I was mad, disappointed and felt like a failure.
For a couple of miles.
Then? I 'got my act together.' I started to think about why I run. Because I love it. Because of the feelings of freedom it gives me. I have bad runs all the time, and they make me a better runner in the long run. I can't beat myself up over one bad race.
As I sloshed through the puddles, I thought of the article I had just read in Runner's World magazine, the one about the women in India who run together. They run with the risk of being assaulted, yelled at, and worse. They run in dress shoes, skirts and whatever they can. Running alone can be fatal, yet they continue to place one foot in front of another and persevere. They run because it is a freedom they have to fight for.
I don't.
I can run anytime, as long as I watch for ax murderers A run on the Fourth of July is one for freedom and thanks.
I started thinking of the other ways I beat myself up too. I am changing though...and challenging those thoughts. In honesty? I am pretty darn proud of the progress I've made lately. 6 months ago? I would have NEVER worn this shirt.
Why?
• I would think people would look at me and think, "she's a runner? Doesn't look like one. That shirt looks like crap on her. She has a gut."
• I would feel everyone staring at me and be self conscious (yeah, what am I? 12? Yes, Sara, everyone is looking at you, and only you!?)
Yes, I was terribly self conscious wearing the shirt, terribly sure everyone was starting at my fat. But? Then I stopped.
And smiled.
I like the shirt, so I am going to wear it. I accept myself in it. That's enough for now.
This tank I'm wearing here?
Haven't bought one like it in 3 years, because I think the type of fabric sticks to my stomach and makes me look pregnant. I bought 3 this year. Oh well, Sara, it is a cute shirt and you like it. Accept yourself.
So as I ran, I thought of my great traits, the things I like about myself and have accomplished. I finished feeling proud of myself, and happy with who I am.
I guess sometimes a bad race can be a good thing.
56 comments:
YAY FOR YOU!!!!
You HAVE come a long way. I am beyond proud of you. I cheer for you and pray for you and smile in your general direction (WAY NORTH) EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
And running...a bad run...so what?!??! You can't be perfect. You can't always be awesome at everything you do. And sometimes...being not so awesome...gives you the time and perspective to realize that...you actually ARE pretty awesome!!!
Good for you! Now if I could get myself there.
I feel like I want to sing you a song but the only song I can think of is the Miss America Song. So without further ado...
JUST KIDDING :) (sort of)
I'm proud of you sister. Rise above all that shiz. Because you're worth it and...ooooh. I'm all over this book right now, even though it's a children's book, it spoke to me SO much as a woman, some of the lies that we believe about ourselves and what God really says... anyway, here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/2cfhg8mj
I'm so glad you're ruling your thoughts!!! See yourself the way HE sees you:)
That is so great Sara! I am super impressed with your accomplishments. I always have trouble remembering that a bad run teaches something until a couple of runs later I look back and lightbulb. I'm happy for you that you were able to look beyond the conditions and still enjoy it.
Yay! Congrats on your "bad" race and all the good that came out of it. And if I looked like you, I'd skip the t-shirt/ tanks altogether. HAHA, just kidding, but you know what I mean!!
What a great post! Your honesty and acceptance is an inspiration for us. Congrats on your run! Sounds like it was a good race in the end for all the right reasons.
-FringeGirl
YOu don't look remotely pregnant! And good for you.
You look seriously fab! You really are your own worst critic!
Oh how I miss running! :(
I do hate humidity though.
That was a major insightful post!
Good for you, Sara! You look wonderful!
Maybe you need more bad runs because you had a major breakthrough! Proud of you girl.
Great Story. Makes me want to race again. My longest was a 8.5K so you are kicking my butt. Have a great night!
http://bellycharms.blogspot.com
You. Are. Awesome. In so many ways. I *love* reading you!
Wow, what a great, positive post (not that your other posts are negative- haha)! We all know we shouldn't care about what others think of us or how we're perceived, but it is HARD to let go of those thoughts and just be self-accepting and comfortable in our own skin. How cool that you turned a "bad" race into a very positive experience.
And, I'm sure no one else here would think your finishing time was anything less than amazing. Most of us are probably floored that you've actually completed so many marathons and halfs!
Good for you! I wish all women could feel the same way!
I just have to say that I have always thought that you look fabulous. I would kill for a body like yours.
Good for you! You are so inspiring. I love hearing about your races and your running!
i actually broke the 2 mile mark yesterday....and did it again today. i am thinking about working up towards doing a 10k next march. it will mark the one year point of when i decided to start running. and i have a shirt that says, "librarians have tighter buns" that i wear sometimes while i'm running to motivate me. i also run through pastureland.....and seeing a bunch of cows is a definite motivator!
i do like reading about your running too....it gives me support (whether you know it or not!) and encouragement. so, thank you!
You go girl! My husband is a runner and both of my sisters have gotten into it but it has never been something I've been any good at...I am apower walker. I have to say though, when I think of female runners that would inspire me to try harder at running, you are at the top of my list! Dang girl :)
Fabulous post.
I think we all need to have a bad race every now and then, to find out how wonderfully God has made us.
Thanks for being a blessing today!
Sara,
You are an amazing woman and should not beat yourself up. I know only know you through blogging and e-mails but I do look up to you. I love that you run. I so want to do that again some day. Or at least do my walks I use to do.
I really loved that shirt you do not look P.G.
I hope you have an amazing day.. You so rock..
HUGS..
Deciding to live your life by what YOU think (that shirt is nice, I like it) instead of what others MIGHT be thinking (that shirt makes her look fat) leads to a secret that unfolds before your eyes. Those people who MIGHT be thinking something you are worried about bow before your confidence and enthusiasm for being true to yourself. They become attracted to that and whatever negative thought the MIGHT have had fades away.
Great job Sara!!! That is so inspiring to read. Wow, I didn't know that women in India ran together like that, how cool. I am seriously all inspired and want to run a marathon now!! Its very cool how you use running as a way to work through things in life, instead of it just being an exercise. And you look fabulous in that tank girlfriend!!!
We judge ourselves because of the flaws we think we see. Less enlightened people judge us because of the flaws they refuse to see in themselves.
You rock. That's all!
you have a pouch? where? hmmm i dont see one and even if you did you would still be....
So, I guess we are all REALLY hard on ourselves, hugh? You do not see yourself as others see you - I promise you that! You are an amazing and vibrant woman, very beautiful and I can swear to you that I have never seen a single photo of you where I thought you did not look beautiful - I love then tank tops on you!!!!!!! Buy more!!!!!!!
Glad you are accepting yourself. You look great too.
I'd say that turned out to be a very good race. And you? Are gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.
Would I lie to you?
Better you than me. And you look fabulous, darling.
You did great! Glad you had this breakthrough! (You look great, too!)
WTG Sara! I love that you kept on going. I wish I could do that.
You are SO awesome, Sara!!! I love your spirit!
I just want to give you a big ol' hug. I am so proud of you. Your post brought tears to my eyes. (I'm a little emotional today, k???) X's and O's.
Sara-I think you are amazing. Amazing and crazy...and half marathon less than month after a full?! Like I said, crazy:) And inspiring.
I love running in the rain---but in Utah rain isn't humid so it's probly a little different:)
What a beautifully written post to remind me to embrace myself just as I am.
Thanks, too, for stopping by and leaving comment love this weekend.
Congratulations! You are awesome and do not worry about what other people think. Just focus on what you love!
i am so glad that you are in a happy place right now.
we all have our own issues with clothes and how they fit.
i am so proud of you!!!!
It sounds like it was a great race all in all.
I can't read what your shirt says and now I am super curious! I have signed up for a half in Feb so I am getting running again. I needed some motivation.
BTW, I got the DVD in the mail. Thank you so much. I am so excited to sit down and watch it from the beginning. I love it!
~Meg @ "Through the Roses"
Accepting yourself and embracing it is such a beautiful thing. You know how much I appreciate that, and I am soooooooo happy to read this post. Luv you!
Um...and at least you didn't CRAP YOURSELF like another runner may have!!! You thought mile 3 was tuff on you...can't imagine how it was on that lady!!!lol
Love ya:) And so glad that you have control of your bowels!!!
Sounds like that bad race was an AMAZING thing! How fabulous!
You go girl....you are doing amazingly well!!!
Many times we are own own worst enemy. I'm impressed with anybody who runs…on purpose without being chased.
Rock on for you.
BTW, I stumbled here via Cheeseboy…just so you don't think you've got a random stalker...
Congrats on finishing the "bad" race which ended up to be a great one. Funny how those things work out sometimes.
I run pretty much every day, too. Love it for all the reasons you've posted about. I need to start running races. My ultimate goal is a marathon. I would love to cross that one off my "bucket list" someday.
You inspire me.
Congrats Sara! So cool.
I am a runner too (Have I told you this?) I love running in the rain (when it is not freezing rain) EXCEPT for one thing: I chafe like a mother when I run in the rain.
Congrats again!
Beautiful post lady. You're gorgeous and you should know it!
Good for you, Sara!
You look great!
Big hugs,
~B xx
I left you an award on my blog. Stop by when you get a chance! :)
Good for you. I have some tanks that I dont wear cause of the blub-lol. I'm trying the walking thing.
I love that you have thrown caution to the wind...Something I struggle with constantly! This post made me happy and made me feel like I need to just accept who I am.
Wow, you are amazing!!! I ran one marathon, and that was it for me. I love your passion for running.
I know how you feel about being self conscious. I was 25 lbs and 5 sizes bigger when I was training for the marathon. I always worried about the same thing. Wondering what people were thinking about my body. I thought I'd be so fit with all the running I was doing. It wasn't until I discovered internal cleansing that I finally got the weight off. Don't get me wrong, you look amazing!!!! Please don't think I'm agreeing with your internal monologue.
I love how you changed your thinking during your run and finished feeling much better about yourself. Sometimes all it takes is a little positive affirmation.
Love your reflection and positive attitude! I'm going to have to start using some of your "tricks" during my runs!
p.s. Thank you SO much for joining our Rosebud network. We would love it if you would display our "I'm a Rosebud" banner somewhere on your beautiful blog. If it's already there and I missed it, please forgive me. I'm gonna blame it on not enough caffeine. HA! Don't forget to show your pretty bloggy face over at la blog! We're linking one of you nearly every day and featuring one of you every week and we're really hoping to drum up lots of support for our network members! Big hugs!
It's hard being a girl!! I think we're harder on ourselves and think "bad" things even we others are thinking good/positive things. I find myself getting annoyed when a pair of pants are too tight....then I stop and say "hello! You had a baby 3 months ago! Chill out!" Being positive and feeling good about how we look is hard yet rewarding!
Bad races can be a good thing! Way to turn it around!
A great way to think - I love both the tops!! Keep it up!!
I just found you through the rosebud connection and I have to say... I LOVE this post!
Post a Comment