Yes, she is still my friend

Hi, I am here! Well, mostly. Been a bit crazy here. I'll recap that all at some point, but for now? I figured I would share with you all (or just myself because nobody reads this blog anymore...) 
a story of what a good friend I am. 

Background Knowledge Necessary to Understand Story and Feel My Pain
My friend Dana and I are training for a 1/2 marathon in October. We have been running along, having a good time. We chat about life, discuss the cute new running skirts we need, and plan trips to purchase said running skirts. (side note: I have a small problem with cute running skirts. I am currently at 13 and showing no signs of stopping.)

All the while...we have our guards up for Creepy Axe Murderer Kidnapping Vans. 

We have spotted a few but thus far managed to avoid an axe death. (what, nobody wants to attack two sweaty, smelly, slow moving ladies?! #thankfully) (yes, yes, I did use a hashtag in blogger) 

I have been very upfront with her in that if we are attacked, I plan to push her in front of me and I get full first dibs on her Lulu when she is gone. (this also is in effect for any bear, skunk, dog, rabid squirrel, or salamander attacks) 

Onto the actual story
We are out running. SUDDENLY! Dana's knee starts wonking out. We were forced to walk the last 1/2 mile back to our starting point, with poor Dana limping along with a sore knee. 

As we get to our starting point 
  ...at a park 
  ...by the river

We see a van. Not just ANY van, but a Creepy Axe Murderer Kidnapping Type Van. 
With a lone man, sitting in his Creepy Axe Murderer Kidnapping Type Van, at a park, by the river. (could the man been any more stereotypical? Honestly.) 

I ask my dear friend Dana to stop limping along - so as not to tip the Lone Man Sitting in his Creepy Axe Murderer Kidnapping Type Van, at a park, by the river - that we are vulnerable and ripe for the picking. 

Her response? "I can't" 

What!? 

Then we see the side of his van. It has 2 broken windows, one of which is covered with plywood! 

Me, "Dana! Stop limping! He is going to see we are a weak spot!" 

Dana, "I can't! I can't walk normal!" 

Dramatic Conclusion
Okay, there isn't a dramatic conclusion. We managed to play it cool and head safely to our starting point. I flexed my muscles a bit (with gunz like mine, just a bit is enough), which I think tipped him off that we would be a formidable force to be reckoned with.  

Basically, I saved us. 

I explained to her how lucky she is that I am still her BFF, despite the fact she exposed our weakness to a Potential Creepy Axe Murdering Lone Man in a Van with Broken Windows by the River at a Park. 

Dana, you are so lucky I am such a good friend.