Lately? The fact that we (my family) needs to find a new church. We have not gone to church since July. It didn't really bother me at first, we ended our last endeavor on a sour note, and I knew we would need time to heal. But as time has gone on it has began to bother me more.
During July and August? I hated the idea of churches. I was hurt, and therefore put off by the mere thought of going to church and dealing with other people, and having them have to deal with me.
Fall? I thought about going. Corey refused to. He was not ready, and had no interest in joining me. So, I put it off. I listened to sermons. (I nearly always listen to sermons when I run, so I often listen to 5+ a week.) And wouldn't you know, each of the sermons seemed to be saying the same thing, "You need to be a part of something bigger. You can't do this all on your own." Seriously. I listen to sermons by 3 different pastors. Did they all get together and come up with a plan? Or is there a Higher Power at work here?
Okay, I get it! We need to be a part of a church community. Good or bad, ugly, fabulous, whatever. We need to take it and deal with it. I have come to realize that God's church is messy, and full of junk. And God wouldn't have it any other way. He wants us to come dirty, messy and selfish. He can work with it.
Our church in the last town we lived in was awesome. Life giving, supportive, full of the same types of people. I miss it daily. However, that isn't what God had in mind for us either. He wants us to get dirty, uncomfortable and worry about the life we are giving rather than getting.
And up until recently? I was not ready to give. I felt as though I had nothing to give. Just a bad attitude. So personally? I am glad that I did not go back before now. I wasn't ready. I would have gone in and been judgemental, hypocritical, and even more selfish and flighty than I am now.
But, I think we are ready now. We've narrowed it down to 2 area churches we are going to try. Wish us luck. (and that the sermon is 3 minutes or less, because my attention span ends after that. then I start doodling on the paper, making lists and drawing bad flowers.)
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Completely unrelated: Asher is still suffering from the squirts and vomit. I am still suffering from the clean up related to it. You might want to buy stock in Huggies this week. And lysol, laundry detergent, baby wipes and cleaning supplies.
9 comments:
Oh my. I hope that GI bug leaves your house soon. And good luck with finding a church home. It is so important.
I know I'm relatively new to your blog--but it's never struck me as shallow.
Church is hard, isn't it? We're all of us messed up, sinful people who do messed up, sinful things to other messed up, sinful people. Sigh.
Praying you find out where God wants you to be!
Yeah, you're so shallow. :eyeroll:
I'm right there with ya on this one. I got my feelings hurt pretty badly by people I considered my family for over 10 years. I'm having a hard time putting my trust and faith into another group of people..and, if I'm being truthful, in God again. Because I felt like HE let me down, too.
Good on ya for recognizing Him tugging at your heart.
((Asher)) Seriously. This illness crap needs to stop. I know *I'm* over it.
Ugh. Squirts, vomit, and trying to find a church. You are a busy, busy girl! I sincerely hope that you find what you are looking for in terms of a church, though. The community that you are able to form can really be quite rewarding.
I have been meaning to mention to you that I came across a blog that you might find interesting...http://momshomerun.blogspot.com/...have you seen it? I am not sure where the blogger, Nicole, is from in the world, but she is a runner and a Mom. Most of her writing focuses on the parallels between these two important parts of her life.
I know how much you enjoy running, so I thought you might like to check her out.
-Francesca
When we moved, I clearly felt called to go to this local church. However, I didn't go, and didn't even tell my husband that I had felt called.
Years passed, and we finally tried that church. I felt like such an idiot for not going, because the church was such a good fit for me.
I haven't thought about it the way you did, that the extra time might have a purpose as well.
Good luck! Visiting churches ALWAYS gets me out of my comfort zone :)
Good luck--I know how hard this journey can be, so I hope you find a good fit! :) Man, I hope Asher feels better soon...life is not meant to have your entire weekend dictated by poop.
Oh I have BEEN there!! TWICE! SUCKS big ol' ostrich eggs. But you said it right, churches are NOT perfect, they are made up of people that are not perfect. You will never find a church that is, BUT, when your focus is CLEARLY on God alone, He will direct you to the church and you will be happy.
And so funny, our church just did a COMPLETE overhaul 4 years ago where ALL the staff left, and our church went from "FOCUS ON ME" to "FOCUS ON OTHER PEOPLE" and it is INCREDIBLE! Even someone like me who can't afford to do anything EVER, and God gives me opportunities to make a difference in peoples lives.
I LOVE my church now. In the past, I'd rather have a root canal on EVERY TOOTH at the SAME TIME rather than go....now, I want to WORK there full time. Funny huh?
I'd love to find a church like Dana (poster up above me) has... wow! Good for you, Dana, it sounds awesome.
I, too, struggle with finding a church that feels "like home". I think I may have found one... Now I have to take a giant leap out of my comfort zone and walk into those doors. Want to make a pact? I'll go if you go, and you go if I go... and if we BOTH go, we get to eat five of those funfetti cookies GUILT FREE. Ohhhh, please say yes, please say yes.... Puhleasssssse!!
Oh, the squirts... gotta love those days. Or not. I remember the first time my youngest son had the runs, after he potty trained. He started screaming blue murder at the top of his lungs in the bathroom one day, freaking out because "his poop was melting". Oooh, the joys. Thankfully, that was after the diaper years.
I don't see you as shallow at all, I see you as deliciously human, and I really enjoy reading your blog :o)
Good post.....I've been having issues for a while with my own church. Maybe I need to take the perspective you have on dealing with my church as it is.
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