Another Sappy One...and it's gonna get long.

**Warning: Many parts of this post make no sense, are in no order and are just a jumble of what is in my head tonight. Proceed with caution.**

On principle, I tend to stay away from long, sappy, serious posts. I tend to stick to my lighter side, and shy away from the serious stuff. I adore that side of myself, but is not the complete me.

Today I am not going to stick that side.

Sometimes I let that side overcome me, and allow other to think that is all there is to me.

It's not.

I perpetuate this image of a woman who loves to joke, have a great time and SHOP! I don't mind that, those are all pieces of me- all things I do love and enjoy. They are not all of me though.

In the last 6 months or so, I realized how much I had let that side of me out. I realized that some people thought that was the only me. That, combined with some of the books I've been reading, triggered a change in me.

I realized that I was hiding another side of me, the intellectual/analytical side. I started to let it show a bit more- with different people, at work, ect. I remember getting looks, like surprised looks. I could almost see it on people's faces, "Sara can talk like this? Sara has read that book or can discuss this subject with depth and clarity?"

That hurt. Hurt that people didn't know I was capable of that. Hurt that I'd hidden that away from myself.

I'm not going to come on here and list the books I've read, the things that excite me, or any of that. I don't need to do that; I don't need a pat on the back telling me how deep I am.

I hinted at a change in my last post, and yes, I do have one coming. That may be what has triggered this current state of emotion. I may or may not choose to blog about it in the near future, but will at some point, when I am strong enough. I hope the path I am about to embark on will someday help others in my same boat. {Oh? and a quick shout out to the wonderful, amazing bloggy friends (you know who you are) who have been supporting me on this journey. I cannot express how much your words and support mean to me)

There is a quote from Switch (the book I talked about in my previous post) that struck me when I read it:

Don't anticipate every turn in the road between today and the destination

-When you are at the beginning, don't obsess about the middle, because the middle is going to look different once you get there. Just look for a strong beginning and a strong ending, and get moving.

Those are going to be my words to live by right now. I am at the beginning of a journey, scared to death of the middle, but looking forward to a strong ending.

Pushing the envelope for change within our selves is never easy. However, I've never felt more alive than I have lately, and can only imagine what is to come.