Naive.
Maybe I am...
I read a book month or so ago, called Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. In the book, he talks about how we each have (in essence) a "happiness scale." That, we have levels of happiness- he used a scale of 1-8 - and we rate our lives on this scale. However, what I found interesting is that he talked of how others rate our happiness levels on their happiness scale. Make sense?
For example: A person sees a friend who has a disability, loses their job, divorces- whatever. They look at their circumstances and say, "Wow, they must be so unhappy (mad/upset/frustrated)," and mentally "assign" them a happiness level based on how they would feel in such a circumstance.
Honestly? This surprised me. I am guilty of it to an extent, certainly, but for the most part? Maybe I am naive, because I truly believe, well, we are all different. There are 6 billion people on this planet, 6 billion different life circumstances, and 6 billion different reactions. While there are certainly characteristics that we may share, each of us brings a different set of life experiences to the table.
I cannot assume my feelings on another. I possibly fall too far to the other side, and assume too much about other people's differences. I find myself looking for the background, the reasons as to why they may feel the way they do, react the way they did, have the opinions they do. Maybe I am making excuses, maybe I go too far? I don't know. I do know that I love the differences in all of us.
Anyway, this was on my mind as I ran this morning, and listened to a book (The Element- How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything, by Sir Ken Robinson) on audio as I ran. He has some points that follow this, and brought it to light again.
Yourself? Where do you fall?
28 comments:
You are so thoughtful. I agree. Differences are what makes the world so interesting. Have a great week. It's almost summer!! Woohoo!!
Ohh hI love your train of thought here. i am always saying...until I am walking in their shoes I can't know their heart.
I will continue to stand by that one, and know that the grass is not greener on the other side:)
I think we're all "guilty" of this, as its natural for most people empathize with others' situations.
Then again, what about "negative people?" If I am around someone who primarily only has negative things to say, I'm inclined to project a low happiness scale number to them...although I guess you could argue that some people are happy when they are miserable...
Ultimately, I should probably just mind my own business and not be so judgemental. :-)
You are right. We all do this to an extent. I don't know how we can't. All we have to go on is based on how we would handle a situation, until we see how someone else handles it.
I have to remind myself that everyone is battling their own thing. Whether it is the person cutting me off while driving or the cranky checker at the grocery store, I start getting irritated and then I remember that everyone has a different set of problems and I have no idea what they might be going through so I should do my best to be nice. I think you are way ahead of where most people are on the scale.
I completely agree. I do think that it is only natural to "judge" (I really don't like that word for this instance) what others are feeling. At least that is what I think.
What a fab idea to listen to a book while running--never thought of that!
I try not to judge but it's difficult to refrain from it. I have to say that most of the time I'm pretty satisfied with my life. It took me a loooong time to get to that point though.
Me? I just fall. Period. *sigh*
As I've gotten already I've definitely tried to give people the benefit of the doubt more...but cross me one too many times and I'm done. Guess I still have some more growing to do. HA!
I think we all do this, really. We can't walk in someone's shoes. We can never truly understand what someone else is feeling, so this is our way of "understanding" how someone feels. I don't think you go to far, it seems like you are trying to get past the ordinary attempt at understanding and are trying to understand on a deeper level.
Hm. This book sounds interesting, but I don't know if I buy it. I look at people and think one of two things: happy or not happy and my judgment is based on their behavior and attitude, not on their life circumstances.
Also, you listen to books on tape while you run? That's cool I guess, but I need some tunes.
Hmm...I think can could be true to a degree. I know someone who has been through some rough times lately, but I know that they still have hope in the Lord, and that makes me happy regardless of their situation.
Happiness is a state of mind.
It's all about how you see it.
Happiness-for me at least-comes more from within than circumstances.
B xx
I guess that makes sense, because the only thing we have to relate it to is our own scale of happiness. We have to quantify it somehow and we do it the only way we can.
When I quit my practice to stay home with my kids, the reactions I received from every direction told me that everyone has a different idea of what would make them happy.
And it often changes. Rapidly.
That makes sense. Of course, what I've gone through makes me see what everyone else is going through differently. (Huh?) I guess I see the world through Kelli colored glasses.
I do think of what other people could be going through, but also, I consider what I've been through. Like sometimes I think, "I went through X, they should be able to also." When, maybe that's not accurate.
I don't know, I just try not to be too harsh.
In this world I think everyone judges or watches others. Maybe it is only normal do that. I am such a people watcher and I watch and learn from others. I know I am not a perfect person and I know I have my faults also..
Great post.
Have a wonderful day.
I think everyone does this. I talk to other people about a situation in my life, and they say - oh i'm sorry, that really sucks, (and before this i didn't think it was that bad) or wow that is awesome! (and before that I was thinking it was that great). I think its just human nature to try and relate to one another and we relate by seeing through our own unique perspective, which might just another on our own happiness scale, just cause that is our unique perspective. In situations that call for sympathy, I think its most important to just listen.
The happiness scale thing is very interesting. I do judge other people's happiness that way. Hmmm.
Very insightful post! Love it! -Lindz
Wow, that was a interesting post, it sure got me thinking. I am like the example, I will judge what others are feeling on the happiness scale. I might have to read this book it sounds very interesting.
I hope all is going well with you and the end of the school year. Summer is just around the corner!
I don't struggle with emphathy. I always assume someone is mean-- not just having a bad day. I've been told too many times to leave my issues at "home/the office/outside etc" working in my industry that I just assume everyone else does the same.
I'm a grouch!
Im forwarding an award on to you...
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http://www.overthinkingmama.com/2010/05/i-received-award-yay-me.html
xxoo
<3
Overthinking Mama
I think it makes sense to an extent. Our life's experiences definitely guide our happiness level. However, for me I think my faith gives me peace during desperate situations, which could otherwise bring me crashing to the ground. I am guilty of wondering how I would feel if something that's happened to a friend had happened to me, but I always try to remind myself regardless He would see me through it.
This is all very thought provoking. :)
your PMS post cracked me up!!!
Good for you being so productive and listening to a book while you run...never even occured to me.
Happy scale.... I think it generally resides at about a 5 or 6, but the HORMONES can swing it either direction.
HOPING things are well
Now that you mention it I probably do this too. Except the other way around. I sometimes think people should be happier (because I am happy.)
I think, "their kids are healthy, the have a good job. Why do they complain so much?"
I guess I need to remember their scale is not the same as mine.
I think it's only natural that we judge situations based on our own experiences. But I wouldn't really try to assign a "happiness score" because, as you said, we're all different. We all know people who seem to have it all and are yet unhappy. We also know people who have difficult circumstances who seem content. I think that your attitude determines your level of happiness more than specific circumstances.
Er.. did he say what we're supposed to do instead?
I really need to think about the happiness scale but I love the idea and since I love to read, I'll have to check it out :0)
Happy Wednesday!
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