The Legacy (with liberal use of italics)

(For those of you who do not wish to listen to me blather, I have summarized this blathering at the end in 3 -fine 4, I have a hard time being short-  short sentences.) 

I believe I have mentioned on here before that I was not the "ideal" high school student. I mean, if by ideal, you mean someone who actually went on a regular basis. Or who turned in work...or listened well, obeyed rules, or didn't wait until the teacher wasn't watching and cut across the track so they wouldn't have to run the whole mile.
If those are the standards for an ideal student, then perhaps I could have used a bit boatload of work.
I also have stated many times that this is not me today. It was me then.

That's right. I had my own "big dipper" zit formation on my forehead.

Absolutely.
However, correlation does not imply causation.


To make the assumption that who I am today can be determined by my behaviors at 17 is...well, inaccurate.
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We went to a new church on Sunday. It was a lovely place, and the people very nice. As we were being introduced to different people, we realized I had gone to high school with some of them. When I state my name, there are various reactions. Those who remember me are at times surprised. They seem to run under the assumption the mother standing in front of them is the girl who they remember from high school. My (now) good friend Ken once told me this. He was unsure of what to think of me, because in the beginning, he was unable to separate the "high school" me with the woman in front of him.
I get it quite a bit when people from my hometown learn I am a teacher. On Sunday, I laughed as I was faced with this again. "Okay, I am dying to know how someone who skipped so much school ended up becoming a teacher. Can you tell us?"
It is quite logical, really. Think of it like this:
"It seems each time Sara uses the microwave at school, something is burnt. Therefore, we must conclude the microwave has a vendetta against her, and burns her innocent food."
Well, until we factor in the rest of the variables, like the fact I turn it on too long, walk away, forget about it... it doesn't show the whole picture.


The same is for my high school years. To assume, "Sara was did not make good choices in high school, therefore she must not make good choices now" is a fallacy.
It does not include the possibility of other unknown factors which could affect the outcome. (if we were looking at this like some sort of economic thingy or something) 
It also assumes the actions I used as a teenager where character traits rather than coping mechanisms (of the negative kind. Which seems to be a theme of my life, but that's another post.) Of course, not everyone can know the experiences which lead us to different actions, but it must also then be assumed we cannot use only our base knowledge to make character decisions about others.
(I mean, we do-let's face it-but my argument here is more of the "why" behind this, and why we are often unable to look for/assume unknown variables. I am actually too guilty the other direction, in which I excuse entirely too many behaviors/actions based on the belief there must be an outside force causing a person to act like a poohead.)


Had these people known the other factors which lead to my behavior as a teen; I believe the picture would show a bit differently. However, it is neither my intention nor my belief that I must clue past acquaintances on my past experiences. 


Instead? I wish we had an open sense of interest, wonder, and acceptance of one another. 


Or? I'll assume you took the same ride I took... on the bus to Adulthood! 


The experiences, changes, and decisions I made following high school shaped me into who I am today. I choose not to judge others on who they were. Therefore, it is frustrating to me when I feel like I am being judged on the me of years ago. 

Fear not, feel free to make your decision about me based on what you see today, but let's leave that broken, hurting young lady from high school out of the picture. She had her time, and is better for it. See how grown up she is? 
This came out more of a rant than I had intended, but I am unsure of how to state my feelings without a certain amount of emotion behind my opinion. I'm a tad like that. 

Summary: Sara was not a great high school student. She grew up, found healing, love, and hope.  It turns out her high school self was operating on coping mechanisms, and it was not an accurate portrayal of her personality and morals.