My Contribution to your Continued Existence

I was going to write about Florida again, but had to interrupt my regularly scheduled blogging to do you all a favor. 
My contribution to your continued existence- if you will. 

Now, I know you are thinking, "Is she going all dramatic on us again here?" But NO!, I am not! 

You see, I read this book called The S E R I A L   K I L L E R Whisperer. (I figured it was safer for all of us if I space it like that- harder for potential killers to find it when googling, and come after us. You're welcome.)  

Anyway, after reading it (and nearly passing out at some points. That book is NOT for the weak- and I am beyond weak. Seriously, some pretty graphic, scary stuff in the book. However, I figured it is best to learn all you can about your potential murderers, to best learn how to stay alive.) Here are my TOP  TIPS TO AVOID DEATH BY A   S E R I A L   K I L L E R (SK for short)


• Avoid white men over the age of 28.5 - highest concentration in that demographic. 
Many of the SK's in the book had been married one or more times. One? Would do a kill and go home to his wife, so don't go thinking you are safe. 

• Never go in a car with a strange man, even if he is offering to help you with car stuff. These men? Disabled the cars and then offered to "help" the women- then BANG! Killed them. Completely dead.

• Never, ever, under any circumstances be a woman. Being so dramatically increases your chances of death by a SK.

• If you insist on being a woman, make sure you are never, ever, alone, under any circumstances. They stalk you on back roads, on beaches, coming out of the doctor's office, IN YOUR HOME!   
 One SK? Laughed at how "stupid" women are, and how they "think nothing will ever happen to them" asshat, bad enough he kills us, but calls us stupid? Rude. 

Never publish that you are alone on FB or any other site. No, no, no, no. Me? Here with ARMED GUARDS. Always. 

**Might I also suggest you NOT RIDE YOUR BIKE ALONE ON A BACK DIRT ROAD FOLLOWING READING THIS BOOK? You may have a car pass you TWICE with 2 men in it. The passenger MAY turn back and look at you. You MAY freak out, turn the bike around and ride as fast as you can back to a main road and ride another 4 miles to stay on high visibility roads.**

• Avoid truck stops. Just trust me on this one. Rest stops, truck stops, highway stops- just keep going. Keep going, keep alive. Wet yourself. 

• Do not write to SK's in jail, sending pictures of yourself and professing your love to them. These are not good people. See above tips if you feel the desire to do so. Also, look up the term SOCIOPATH. 

• Do not have children who are boys or girls. Now, I admit, I am a bit of a pickle here on this one, but I am going to lock them up for the next century or so.   

• Avoid being a prostitute, drunk, or drug addict. These are top targets as well. There are programs for you if you decide to become one of these. Utilize them. 
 
• Stay aware. These freaks watch for distracted women. (again, this may be a bit of an issue for me. Even sans phone and such, I am distracted by a puddle, shiny rock, or cute pair of boots walking by. I am a WALKING TARGET of DISTRACTION. I must learn to stay awa...) 

• Gain weight. Now, ignore your doctor and gain weight. SK's don't go after heavier women because they are harder to pick up, carry around, and transport. Therefore heavier = less chance of death by an SK (up to you to weigh the other benefits/risks) 


*•* Finally- remember: Paranoia is your friend. Stay paranoid. (think I could get remembered for that like Steve Jobs for his "stay hungry" quote? I mean, I realize it is not all that original, but simple and to the point, right? Stay paranoid. Has a certain ring to it, does it not?) *•*
 
That's all I've got. As long as you are not a woman, don't have kids who are boys or girls, are never alone, are not a prostitute, are never distracted, weigh enough to be hard to transport, never use a truck stop, and are never alone? You have a decent chance of survival from the 50+ SK's who are out in the US at any given time. 

You are welcome. This concludes my Contribution to your Continued Existence.