Fear (although I am not sure that is the most accurate term for how I feel) is an odd and powerful thing.
What I am I so fearful of? Losing my job. We are in a super crazy economic time here, as if you didn’t know, and schools are feeling the pinch terribly. I do not know of one district within a 50-mile radius of my home that is not making budget cuts this year.
I am an untenured teacher, meaning my job is on the front lines when our school makes budget cut decisions in the next couple of months. As of now, I have no idea if I will have a job next year or not.
Sounds like reason to worry, right?
The crazy thing?
I don’t have to worry. Even if I lose my job, we will be okay.
My husband was blessed with a job that supports our family totally. If I lost my job, we would still be able to pay all our bills and make ends meet. Would we be able to give as much and have the extras we do now? Not as much, but we would make it.
We have discussed it, and decided I would stay home with Asher, and sub periodically as needed. If the timing was right, I would start work on my master’s.
I feel terrible about being worried about this. I am so lucky that we have the careers we do at this time. I am terribly lucky that in a time of recession, my husband and I are doing well. Better in fact, than we were when the rest of the country was doing well! Crazy!
Upon thought I realized that this is just part of my personality. I am the type of person who worries about what may be. That way, if it does happen, maybe I won’t be as hurt/affected/shocked. Like when my brother was in the hospital, I always thought of the “what if.” It was like I was trying to prep myself for the worst. (My dad is the same way.)
So, for now? I need to trust in God and not myself. I need to not worry, because no matter the outcome, we will be okay.
9 comments:
I do the same exact worrying thing. I always thought it was a Scandinavian thing - prepare for the worst, and if it doesn't happpen, look how happy you'll be! Dave yells at me all the time for that kind of thinking, but I can't help it.
I am very lucky that I was able to quit my job (I was on the docket for a layoff) and return to school this fall because Dave's income is enough for both of us. But along with that comes feelings of guilt too - I felt guilty when we bought a foreclosure, like we were profiting on someone else's pain. I feel guilty when I see distant relatives and admit that I don't work anymore (but I will in the future).
I always worry that by admitting the truth, that I'm tempting fate. That the finance company Dave works for will pull a Bear Stearns and kick the bucket, all because I told my second cousin once removed that I am a haus frau/student. Twisted thinking, no?
Oh my gosh, I so relate. I think we are twins, separated at birth, with different parents, and who don't even remotely resemble each other...but twins, nonetheless!
I left teaching after 10 years last May, totally scared out of my mind by all the "what-ifs", and having to really lean on my faith to get me through several scary months. Thank God, I found a better job that I love, freelance editing work that keeps rolling in, more time for my family, and we too are now doing so much better than we were back in the boom days that seemed to miss us.
Whatever happens, you will be okay!
Your last comment hit the nail on the head. You know what you need to do... give your problems to the Lord. Hand your worries and your fear over to Him. He loves you and does not want you to feel this way. I will say a prayer for you!!
I worry too, not really for MY job, but my husbands. His is one that they could downsize. He has been there over 5 years though, so he wouldn't be the FIRST on the chopping block, but he'd be close. And it DOES make me worry.
I am a nanny, and I know there is ALWAYS a need for that, although I am SO burned out. And I do have to work. Totally stinks, but at least I AM home all day.
No matter which way the wind blows for you, God provides!
I think one of the hardest parts of being a Mom is learning how not to worry all of the time. It is something that I struggle with constantly.
I was so glad to read that you and your husband are doing well and will continue to be should you get laid off. As you said, always a good time to pursue your Master's degree. My husband and I found ourselves in a very similar situation and that is exactly what I did. I'll be finishing my MBA in March. No idea what I will do with it, but oh well. Maybe just talk about corporate structure with the other Mom's at the park. I am sure that will make me super popular! :)
-Francesca
so, I really enjoy following blogs of mom with young boys. I can soooo relate!! And, I was reading your profile tonight; I LOVE your answer to the questions regarding favorite movie and book. I am with you on both of those topics!! I do neither and feel socially inacceptable sometimes for it:)
I'm a worrier too.
I know how hard it is to just give your worries to the Lord, count your blessings, and trust completely in Him.
I hope it all works out!
I lost my perfect work from home job the same week this summer as our littlest one was born. The adoption agecy I worked for decided to close - no notice. Crazy. I was worried at first but remembered that we were better off than many. My husband is a teacher, although tenured, so we don't have to worry about his job. There are still lots of cutbacks coming. Bonuses gone. But we are making it just fine.
And, wouldn't you know it, it was perfect timing. There is no way I could have continued working with all three girls. I just didn't get any say it the deal. God's timing is perfect. I wish He would give me a little warning though!
It's awesome that you guys are secure. Hubby and I would be too (except that we are building a house). So while many people are cutting back because they have to, we are because we are indulging in building a custom house almost double the size of the one we moved out of.
I think that there are more people out there doing OK than the news would allow us to believe.
Whatever happens will happen. I was unemployed a while back (by choice) and finally found an awesome job. I had to step back and decide I wasn't in control anymore. It was the best.
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