Yoga Schomga

I think we have covered my love of fitness, right? You all get that I love to work out and stuff, right? Cool. I love to try new fitness things. Sign me up for Jillian Micheals, Yoga Booty Ballet, P90X, kickboxing, pilates, boot camp, step classes, Zumba, I'll give it a shot. Of course, I'd rather be running, but I am not one of those chicks who only does cardio and wonders why she never gets toned. (at least not 23.7% of the year) 

But, on the other end of the spectrum, over in PeeWee's world? There is...

Yoga

Yes, yoga. 

I get the benefits, I hear about the results, I do, I swear. It is just that yoga is so hard. Not even factoring the whole ADHD thing, I have a seriously hard time trying to clear my mind and connect with the Earth. When the yoga instructor tells me to clear my mind, it immediately goes like this:

• • • Ok, clearing my mind.

Yup, my mind is cleared. 

What do you think about when your mind is cleared? Do you even think? Is it possible to not think? I don't think so. I should google that. 

Do I need a new white tank top? I am supposed to be connected to the Earth, spread my roots. Do you think that my roots are touching worms right now? Wait, I am not thinking, right? • • •

See my problem? Then, they begin movement. I chada-something along with them, I kalamazoo too, I think. They tell me to move my leg forward. It doesn't. It is stuck right where it is. I have to heave the thing forward using my hands. No flow for me. 

Poses? Torture. Now, I've said it before, my Wii Fitness asks me if I hit walls when I walk {I do.} So, tell me to do a Tree? My tree falls over. Multiple times. Center myself and concentrate on my breathing? I start to count my breathing and then realize that I can't inhale for 5 breaths, and that I must have sub par lungs or something...

Concentrate on a spot? I inevitably look at the mirror and start thinking that yes, in fact, my nose is crooked. Or my face is. 

The Crane Pose? Shoot me now. 

Look at her! If I did that? I'd have a broken nose. {Sidenote: Might not be all that bad, then I could get it straightened.}

I have to say though, I am getting better. I spent 3-4 years making fun of yoga. Then? I tried a few classes. 

1st class- Lasted 6 minutes

2nd- 9 minutes

3rd- whole class! Yay! I went with my never comments sister to a hot yoga class. For those of you who are in the making fun of yoga stage, that is where they crank the temp up to 189 degrees F and watch you sweat like pigs before the class even starts. {Insert joke/fabulous image of a large, sweaty male in short shorts here} 

Now? I can attempt to practice yoga once a week or so. I've heard it is good for running, so I continue to torture myself.  My tree still tips, my breathing? Labored. My skill? Terrible. But I am trying. Side note: If anyone has a yoga video/class that

practices the child's pose the whole time, could you forward that to me? I rock that pose. 

Oh, and don't be expecting to see shots of me doing this anytime soon. --> I think I'd break something. 

Unless of course, you want to come give me private lessons PeeWee?