Pings

Ping, ping, ping

I read a Malcolm Gladwell article:

Offensive Play- How different are dog fighting and football.

Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/10/19/091019fa_fact_gladwell#ixzz0iAAU9ZNr

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/10/19/091019fa_fact_gladwell

It got me thinking (always dangerous) about Pings. Bear with me hear, as I am about to make a connection that Gladwell himself didn't make, but rather one that came to me after reading and thinking about the article for a bit. The article itself did not make any of these assumptions, rather the information within the article made a connection for me, so this is merely a thought process started by his article. (When I read, I often stop to make text-to-self connections, or text-to-world connections.)

Basically, if you read the article and say "Huh, Sara? Where did that come from?" now you know.

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Gladwell talks about football players, and the hits they take to the head. Often, they take hits that are the equivalent of hitting a brick wall at 25 m.p.h. Over and over.

"He didn’t just suffer those four big blows. He was hit in the head thirty-one times that day. What seems to have caused his concussion, in other words, was his cumulative exposure. And why was the second concussion—in the game at Utah—so much more serious than the first? It’s not because that hit to the side of the head was especially dramatic; it was that it came after the 76-g blow in warmup, which, in turn, followed the concussion in August, which was itself the consequence of the thirty prior hits that day, and the hits the day before that, and the day before that, and on and on, perhaps back to his high-school playing days."

Ping, ping, ping

Isn't our life like that sometimes? Rather than a blunt force hit, we are hit with Pings. A little ping here, when you are put down, a ping there when a dream falls flat...ping, ping, ping. They are tossed at you. Seemingly small in innocuous, we might 'forget' them after a day or two. Larger pings, a heartbreak, loss of job, might take us longer.

But they still ping, don't they?

Eventually, these cumulative exposures- these pings- add up, just like the concussion for the football player.

We begin to doubt ourselves, to doubt our abilities and may lower our self esteem.

I was pinged a lot growing up (and for our purposes here, let's just say I am not fully grown up, cause they are still pinging me). Much more than I should have been; certainly more than I deserve.

You're fat

You're ugly

No man will ever want you if you bite your nails. That is gross.

How can you do that?

You are a bad mom

You are so....

does it matter at this point? They are all pings. All little comments, that while others may be able to ignore, I was not.

I let others ping me, let others feel they had the right to knock at me, little by little. I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. I saw pings. Pings covering my body- ugly, fat, stupid, never make it anywhere, spend too much, bad mom, never thinks of others, on and on and on...

The pings caused the damage, the concussion. However, unlike the football players in the story? I am not affected for life. They don't get a chance to undo the brain damage. They don't get to peel off their pings.

But I do.

and I am.

I will no longer let others ping me. Yes, they may still do so, but? At their own risk.

Because I am changing, stronger and more self aware than ever. I will not ping others back, hurt others for my own justification, 'deserved' or not. Hurting others for your own gain, or peace of mind, is ugly. I'd rather be a light and throw love rather than pings.

(for those of you who have left comments telling me you are worried about me and hope all is okay? Thank you, they mean a lot. Know this- I am in a better spot than I have ever been, and will be back to my "spazzy" self soon.)