I woke up this morning and caught a glance of myself in the mirror as I was getting ready. A familiar thought rolled through my mind.
"Sara, you are so gross. Look at that cellulite. You need to do something about that."
Then, it rolled on...
"Seriously? you legs could use some all over toning. Your arms too, they have no definition, and are starting to look pudgy..."
and on, and on it rolls....
gross
ugly
don't let Corey see you this way...
But the I stopped. Swore a few times and THOUGHT about it.
Shut up you piece of shit mind, shut up with the nasty, bitchy, cruel comments made to make me feel like a piece of shit. F*Off
This body here? No, it is not perfect, yes it has cellulite and stuff
It has also carried me through the last 30 years. It has given me 2 healthy, beautiful babies (with no stretch marks) carried me on 2 marathons, 1/2 marathons and countless miles on the road.
It has put up with the shit I've done to it, horrible, awful, make your eyes roll shit. And I am still "healthy." My body carries on.
I am tired. Tired of body stuff, tired of having these negative feelings about myself. Tired of fighting against them. I am pissed that this is our society, pissed that I feel into the pit, and pissed that it will continue on through us, to our children and generations to follow.
That sucks.
It sucks that I have these thoughts. It just plain bites that we have these body images. I don't think I am alone in these thoughts. No, I know I am not. Most of us are just so accustomed to them that we feel like they are welcome, that they are even deserved.
you ate that cheesecake? You deserve to feel bad about your body. You know you are trying to lose weight.
It goes the other way too.
Wow! You ate so well lately, you are so good, you should feel proud of yourself for doing well.
Bullshit. Both of them. Be proud of yourself either way. Be proud that you are a strong, courageous, self aware person who is working on themselves, and striving to be better. Screw the body image, we are more than that, aren't we? Yes.
{Also, I am working on them. I am trying, retraining and making my mind go better places. Today is just a day for a little rant about them. Tomorrow will be better. }
-a wounded deer leaps the highest....emily dickinson
68 comments:
I hate those thoughts too. One of the reasons I got hooked on yoga was in class one day the teacher kept repeating "you are not your thoughts"
Seriously. that one sentence is the ONLY thing that keeps me from jumping off a cliff. SERIOUSLY!
No stretch marks?!
I'm glad you told your mind to shut up. Even though we all do think that way. You are strong, healthy and beautiful and don't let anything keep you from knowing that!
Yes, yes, and yes. I agree with you on all points. I don't know why most of us do that to ourselves. Interestingly enough, as I've aged I do the negative talk less and less but after I had C, it was really bad for a while because I just didn't feel comfortable with my body. Finally I realized it was up to me how I felt about it and what I did about it and it was then I started running again and now I feel much better about it.
Ayurveda is all about loving food and being healthy. And feeling good about it.
Yes, we all have those thoughts and feelings sometimes.
I know you don't want to hear it (or maybe you do), but you are beautiful, strong, healthy, a great mom and wife...and I can't wait to meet you in real life :)
Hey, that rhymed.
Oh my gosh Sara. You have a great body, and I'm sorry these thoughts enter your head. At the same time, I am the same way. I hate my body sometimes and I work hard to get it where I want it to be, which is a huge struggle for me. I'm not eating carbs right now and I weigh myself everyday and if I'm not a pound or almost a pound down almost everyday I actually get pissed off, I know it's so unhealthy but I can't help it! And I'm working out a lot now, but that's okay, it's good. It's just the food issue with me, such a struggle, such a struggle to lose what I want to lose. And yes, there is so much good my body had done, give birth easily to my childred, breastfed them, etc.
You are beautiful inside and out. Remember that. I was working on my own rant but yours is better. Get it out and move on.
Its hard because I think the media helps to put alot of those thoughts in our heads. It truly only matters if you are happy and healthy, I think. there are tons of people who look gorgeous and have many diseases, some of them fatal, so I think you are right to be thankful for your health! :)
Shake it off girl, shake it off....I think we all have these thoughts as women...somedays are better than others and with swimsuit season quickly approaching the thighs and jiggles are screaming louder.....
....listen can you hear mine?!?......
And what is up with 2 babies and no stretch marks!!!!! YOU SUCK!!!! I just had one baby and my stomach looks like Freddie Cruger's face!!!!
Those thoughts are pesky!!! I hate them too. But then again, I avoid looking at myself in pictures and in mirrors as much as I can. I've seen pictures of you though, and I think you are beautiful, healthy and fit. You RUN!! I can't even skip, LOL and I think you should be proud of all your accomplishments in that body of yours. Cellulite or none.
But yeah, it would be nice if we could just shoot those thoughts right out of life itself.
Hmmm you are healthy beyond reason...
your beauty blinds that mind and I think that it does not like that. So it strikes out at you. But from the sounds of it.....
you have it under control...
*winks*
Amen Sarah!
I look at my almost 40 year old body and think wow I had 3 c-sections, I ran 4 1/2 marathons and am back training for another! Yes I have streach marks and rolls of fat but that's just my boday and I have come to love my body :)
Thanks for posting this! I have that same problem too.. I wish I could just be happy with the way i am!
I think your body is adorable...in a non creepy way
I feel the same if not worse about my own...we all do at times because we are women!!
but you are one hawt momma so be proud :)
good girl! you'll have to cuss at my mind when i start thinking that way! haha! hope you have a good day today. ♥
Tomorrow will be better...I just know it. Hang in there and tell those negative thoughts to go f' themselves. Keep being beautiful inside AND OUTSIDE!!! FWIW, I think you are one hot mama...
Why can't we women struggle with other things...like...oh I don't know...how my feet grew an entire size after I was pregnant? Why doesn't anyone notice that? :)
Thanks. :) It's so good to know I'm not the only one fighting these battles.
I've not really seen any close up pics of your cellulite legs or anything like that. If they're like mine, they barely exist, but bother you none the less.
But you know what? I love your hair. It's so cute and fluffy and curly, I wish mine did that. And I love your nose. It's sharp -- in a good way.
Keep telling those voices to scat. You can do it.
If you can run a marathon, you can do anything.
I think that we are our worst judges. I think the we need to look at ourselves like our family sees us and that is beautiful.
I agree. Society has conditioned us to believe that skinny & sick looking is beautiful. Not me. I love being full figured. :)
You are a beautiful person, inside and out! Good for you for telling off the ugly thoughts.
I think it's awesome that you posted this. A lot of times these, or similar thoughts, are just left in our evil little minds. Brave you for sharing them.
You're spot on with your thoughts.
How we perceive ourselves is the only true image. Tell those voices to shut-up. You said you are healthy? That is the winning lottery ticket!!
Those ugly nasty thoughts are the reason that I hardly EVER look at myself in the mirror.
Great post!!
I cannot stand those thoughts ,as well Sara.But
I 'm always saying those things to myself.Ugh!
Betty xx
you've read my mind.
I hate those voices. I try to shut mine up with chocolate.
But still, I hate my cellulite. Ugh.
Good for you for recognizing that you can and should redirect your thoughts. I must say I have been through all of this too but have been lucky enough for it not to be my focus for at least the past 4 to 5 years. Thank God. Seriously.
I am not sure what got me over the hump and maybe it was a combination of things, but I do know that I had to consiously stop myself from thinking destructive thoughts. I didn't wiegh myself for a while. I stopped thinking about calories or what kinds of food I was eating. I allowed myself to eat what I wanted, when I wanted it. I used to excercise too much and somehow that slowed to a normal pace too. What is amazing, and completely awesome is that after I got rid of the negative and obsessive thoughts, my body settled into the best shape it has ever been in. The body I feel is what it is supposed to be. After I took the pressure off to 'control' my food intake quantity and type, I stopped overeating, stopped craving sugar, and ate more balanced that ever before (which I am sure is why my body settled into it's intended shape/weight.) And the best part of it was that I didn't think about all that shit anymore. Eventually I weighed myself once or twice a month and didn't care if I had gained any weight. Nor was I overly excited if I had lost any. It wasn't a big deal anymore. I was freer, and lucky, and happy. Another awesome thing??? You can get there too!
Good for you. I'm still working on this.
Yup, that's me. I totally need to stop doing that to myself.
Getting older is the pitts. Adding entropy into the equation just rubs salt in the wound.
Have you ever seen the Dove ad with the little red-haired girl and then the 70 gajillion ads for better hair/skin/weight? I'd link it, but I'm lazy, but I have it in a post (in my queue for next week) that touches on my own struggles with my thoughts. Self-hatred is a powerful beast, one that has beaten me down a few times. OK, more than a few.
Stay strong, sista. Just knowing that you can yell back at the negative thoughts is rock city!!!
WORD.
Yeah, that's about all I can say right now.
WORD.
Sometimes our inner voices are our worst enemy...and they're hard to ignore.
We are more than our body image. It's a shame that we so often define ourselves by it. And wrong.
I'm glad you ranted. It's an important issue for all of us. Thank you for your honesty!
I am so guilty of letting my mind get away with saying that stuff. Just today it has happened MANY times. Stay strong because you aren't alone!!
Amen! We don't give ourselves nearly enough credit! So what if we're not super models! We're super women who have great lives and extraordinary blessings! We should be thankful! I think I'm going to go eat some chocolate now. Ha!
I have those thoughts every day when I get dressed after my shower. Well, my rant is g-rated, though. lol It sounds funny if I swear. It's very hard to get it through our little heads that this is the way God made us. I keep trying to get this through my kids heads, but why wonder why it won't go through mine.
Very nicely said! I do this to my self all the time...to the point that I put a towel on so I don't have to see my body while I get ready. I hate it hate it hate it. I also hate that I make myself feel worse than anyone else can
I struggle with those thoughts too, although I've gotten better at ignoring them as I get older. My worst fear is that my daughter will have the same kinds of eating and body image issues that I did. I'm going to work hard for that not to happen!
I have these thoughts daily. I keep telling myself that I don't need to be so hard on myself, but it never works! haha!
I was fortunate w/ out stretch marks also! BUT....
I feel your pain. I hate getting undressed, because I nitpick at all the things wrong w/ my body. I hate the way I look. I try to work out, and I do, not all the time, but I do. It's just so hard. It's hard to live up to my own expectations. It's hard to feel sexy. It's hard being a woman!
I've learned how dangerous those thoughts are, not only to our body image, but our self-worth. We have to be careful when we hear that voice, because so often it sounds just like our own. But our inner voice should and will always be kind to us, love us, enlighten us. When we entertain those deceitful thoughts, we allow that darkness to invade our soul and send us into a divergent tailspin, confusing us, and throwing us off course. In order to love others, we must love ourselves wholly (or as best we can), and in that love comes progress, change, advancement, peace. Only when we embrace who we are, and especially our weight and size, will we truly experience the freedom that life affords us in our short spin around the sun. Good job, keep it up, and you're more beautiful than you will ever know.
We are our worst enemies! Good job turning that thought process around! Keep at it! It gets easier!
oh honey! i love how honest you are. you are right. we all do it. hang in there!
We can't hold ourselves to the unattainable standard set by the media. I, for one, am done trying too. I will exercise, eat better and try to loose weight to be healthy and feel good in my clothes. I'm right there with you girl...well, except I for the styretch marks. I got a few of those from the babies!
Great post - right there with you on the retraining of thoughts - you are a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman!!!!!!!!! God does not make JUNK!
I think we all have those thoughts and yes they SUCK!!! It is hard because the models are so skinny (actually skinner than 98% of women) and then men expect us to be like the models... Um what planet are they living on?
I'm the same way. I'm so critical of myself and the way I look. But how can that be helped when you're seeing celebrities having perfect bodies again after having just spat out a baby like 10 minutes before that? Even Valerie Bertinelli who speaks for Jenny Craig makes me mad because she makes it seem SO easy...yet, as I read her book, she had a personal trainer helping her work out every. single.
But we're just normal people doing our best with what we have. It's good to get the rants out of your head and onto paper!
I totally agree with you. Sometimes I will look at photos when I was younger and how great I looked and now it is another story. But like you I agree, I think of the things we have done and gone through with these bodies and we are still kicking. So I would much rather have this body than the one I had in HS as long as I get the keep the blessings with the body.
Thanks for saying what we are all thinking. Have a great day!
Lovely PSA! And...no stretch marks?? I hate you. The dude was HUGE and I have a very short torso...equals lots o' stretch marks. Sigh. But he was worth them. :)
So true!
Way to STAND up to YOURSELF!!
We are very blessed and our bodies take aLOT of abuse...continue to be tHANKFUL that you can run, play, and enjoy life. Don't be defined by a few marks...you are a BEAUTIFUL woman...and many would "die" for a body like that!! Good for you to post this!
Yes! Yes! I agree completely!!!!! I have learned not to judge the book by its cover. I may be "older" and "plump", but my insides look great!
(My father carved me a Ewe and wrote on it "Ewe's not fat, ewe's just fluffy!")
Sara, thank you for your lovely commments on my SITS DAY!
Hope you're having a nice day!
Betty xx
Amen, sister. Although I seem to have more of those days than the good kind...
I am GLAD you told your mind off! :-) I think we all have those arguments within ourselves, thanks for giving us a script for how to deal with it!
I love it! Be proud either way. It really isn't important. Be happy, be healthy, but just live!
Amen. Say it again!
-FringeGirl
Awesome post! I tell that part of my mind the same thing too. I am so much lighter and fitter than ever before in my life as an adult, yet I still continue to think I can do better. So I tell myself to shut the eff up too! :)
I don't know why we do this to ourselves! We would NEVER let our daughters, sisters, friends - people we barely KNOW do or say these things to themselves, would we?
Hang tough, Sara. You're a beautiful, wonderful, smart, funny, amazing woman.
Yeah for getting it all out. You are an amazing woman..
Have a great weekend..
Amen! I dealt with eating issues as a teenager, and still struggle to push negative thoughts aside on a daily basis. It did get better after I had kids, but they still try to creep in!
Oh it must be be/c spring is in the air! So many of us are feeling the exact same way! I get so down on myslef..and then for a wicked moment wish I was a man. They are ready in 65 seconds in the morning and get better looking with age. WTH? Time to give ourselves a break. This too shall pass:)
Love you honey. Good job. I know it was hard to write. Out loud. for everyone to see.
Being a woman sucks balls...........
Very insightful post. I think we all have these thoughts somedays. The main thing is your health, be good to yourself and your body,. It will thank you in the long run.
I have these thoughts all the time...every single time I look in the mirror. I have caught myself a few times crying into a towel and then wanting to punch the mirror. Yes I'm crazy. It's hard to think the other way because our society is always so negative. I do see the world starting to change and be more positive about self image. BUUUUT I think it's a little too late for the adults? Just me thinking outloud. I could be totally wrong. Whatev.
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