In conversations with others lately, the topic of regrets has come up. While the remarks seem innocuous at times; I often question the real thoughts behind them.
It is the simple things, like "I wish I had gone to this college instead of this one." or "I wish I had known that when I was younger, then I wouldn't have made that mistake." "oh to have not dated him!"
Sometimes they are bigger, "I wish I wouldn't have married this person, taken this job, moved to this place..."
While I certainly have had some of these thoughts myself, I am not the type to dwell on them. It seems, however, that often the people around me really feel terrible about their mistakes and truly wish they could undo them.
While I certainly have had some of these thoughts myself, I am not the type to dwell on them. It seems, however, that often the people around me really feel terrible about their mistakes and truly wish they could undo them.
Maybe I've read too many quotes on not living in the past, or am overly optimistic in my life, but I can't do that.
Yes, I do see the importance of reflecting on things from our past, making sense of them as we are able, and taking the necessary {and in my case often painful!} lessons from them. However, I do not live in regret of them.
Have I made some big mistakes? Yes. {Oh yes!} Have I learned invaluable lessons from them? Yes, and still am. There are some I may question to my grave, although I will never regret them.
I am unable to do that. Sometimes, when I tell people this, they react like I am strange, or in denial. Or they may be jealous of the fact I don't always look behind me. I guess I am just not made that way.
I see the winding trail of our lives, and how each event shapes and molds the rest. To have missed one bad thing, to avoid one mistake, I would almost certainly miss several wonderful events as well. Even in the things I struggle with today, and am thisclose to blogging about, I do not regret. Do I hate it? Oh yes, every single second. I feel though, that at the end of the road, I will be stronger, healthier and take valuable lessons from it. if i ever get there
I have to look at the beauty life gives us as we head to the future. Rather than look to the past, and think that things could be different now if I'd made better choices, I have to look at what choices I can make today that will lead to a better tomorrow. After all, I have no control over the past, but I can shape my future.
Thank you for the wonderful comments on my last post about getting axed (not to be confused with an ax murderer) although I am scared at times, I am excited at others. I've never been big on change, but this time? I really feel that the outcome is going to be okay, and that I am going to be okay. It may take me some time, but I have a good feeling.
That's all. Done rambling now.
33 comments:
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Those thought literally ring almost amazingly true to a T in my life. I often hear of others regrets, but myself cannot think of a 'regret'! Not because I think I haven't made mistakes...but that honestly...I just really don't think that way. My mind just doesn't hold those thoughts...and my mouth almost refuese to utter the word 'regret' as if it were not a part of the english language...like I'd never heard it before.
It's refreshing to know that God created another alike! As you said...it's not that things haven't been a rye or I haven't majorly messed up...I have!
So thanks for the thoughts...
And I'm sorry to hear about your job, but blessed to hear that God is possibly opening a window for you...that for others...just may not be an option!
I needed to read this, thank you!
Great post, I feel the same way. Yes I may regret some of the things I've done in the past but my mistakes have made me who I am...so I'm ok with that. Sometimes I wonder "what if", but then my life might be different and that I'm not ok with. You'll do what your meant to do...
I think everything happens for a reason.
I'm not much for regret. I used to be more prone to this I think, but in the past couple of years it has been invaluable to me to choose to take the reigns and make my life what I want it. If I 'miss' an opportunity, I start looking for another. The second one is likely better anyway, you know? Surely I missed the first opportunity for a reason!
I guess the thing is I don't even care if my current thinking is misguided or wrong. Cause even if it is, I am happy this way. I take risks I never would have. I am optimistic. I am able to look forward because I believe I am able to change the outcome of my situation. That's not to say I don't get 'down' or have rough spots, cause everyone does. But I have seen too many people with heavy regrets allow that to consume their life and make them miserable. That's just not me.
Thanks for sharing. You know, it took me getting older to realize that what I used to think of as regrets were really "what ifs", which is completely different. Once I understod that, I realized that I was in the exact place the Lord wanted me to be. And it was a very liberating experience.
This was a great post, and I have to completely agree. I really don't regret anything in my life. You have such a great outlook on life. Praying for really good things to come your way!
In the words of Wilbur Robinson from Meet the Robinsons, "Keep moving Forward." No sense in dwelling on the past. You can't change anything. The past is what made you who you are today. And we like who you are today.
Very good post.
Exactly! I have no regrets. Yes, I've made some pretty heinous mistakes throughout the years, but when I look back on my life it's clear how every single event - no matter how bad it was at the time - has worked in conjunction to steer my life in the direction it's in now. And I like that. :)
Great post!
What a beautiful post! I do sometimes reflect on the past: mistakes I made, choices I could have made differently...
But, I don't dwell on it or wail that I should have done things differently.
Because each choice led me to where I am today. I believe that I never would have met dh and had our gorgeous boys if I'd made any of my choices differently.
I share your view. I can't say I truly regret any of the life choices I've made. There are things I might wish I'd done differently, or that could have been easier for me if I'd made other choices. But, at the time those were the choices I made and they ultimately have played a role in who I am today.
Sorry to hear about your pink slip. My mom is a school psychologist and just lost her position after 35 years in her district. It sounds like you have a great outlook and will take this as an opportunity rather than a loss, which is really admirable.
I just read that post. Sorry I missed it. I hope things work out but that is un-fair for sure.. I love your ideas for the peanut butter treats. You should write to them and tell them. That could be your new job.
That what if can do turns in your mind for sure.. I just try and look forward...
What a great perspective. I think it's a great post for some people to read.
Yep, I am with you, no regrets! Life is too short. Live and learn.
I dont live in regret either just look at things as lessons learned and move on :)
I'm a big believer in "everything happens for a reason" and that things always end up how they're supposed to. There are mistakes from my past, but they've helped me realize not what to do!
I feel the same way really. I mean there are things I wish I hadn't done, of course. But I don't regret...learn and move on. Of anything I come close to regretting, it would be the things I shrunk back from, risks I wish I had taken if I hadn't been so scared. But even then, when I start thinking along those lines, I wonder how that one decision would have changed everything else and I really can't imagine being anywhere other than where I am now.
I try to live by this philosophy as well. There are many things I could've done differently in my life but I try not to live in regret. I have learned so much from the lessons my life as taught me. If you did choose differently in the past, your life now would not be as it is. I could've never had my 3 kids, met my husband, etc. Even though the road life has taken me down has sometimes been bumpy, I love my life and I honestly wouldn't change a thing.
There have been times where I truly regretting things in my past and wished I could go back and change them. But I'm finally to the point in my life where, although I still don't like them, am thankful some things happened or I would not be where I am today!
Great post.
I am like you I really don't look to the past often.Every now and then I can dwell on what I should have done but I don't let it get me down long. I think life is to short and I am going to miss too many moments with my boys to live in the past.
I always get a kick out of your ax murder comments.
Have a fabulous day!
Very very true! I know there is plenty I should have done differently, but we all have to choose if we're going to just live in the WHAT IFs or the WHAT IS!
I want to learn from past mistakes, but I wouldn't change them. They made me who I am.
I have always tried to do better today than I did yesterday. Meaning I am always making mistakes, but try and move on.
Great post thank you
I think we all have things in our lives we live to regret, that what makes us who we are today. Everything happens for a reason and nothing shocks God....everything is in His plan.
Good luck as you continue on your journey, I will be praying fo ryour.
"To have missed one bad thing, to avoid one mistake, I would almost certainly miss several wonderful events as well"
this is life and with each step we go down different trails that lead us to...
wonders or....
tough choices, damn it where is my crystal ball?
Beautifully written. I think that it is a great thing not to regret and I hope that I, like you, never regret anything in my past, but am able to look back on it. I think its a very sad thing to know that you didn't take a turn that you know that you should have. There are choices that I've made that have led me to where I am, and because of that, I'm grateful to have made them, even though those choices turned to not have worked out the way I'd planned. For example - I was going to law school and had gotten into one in pa, so i was going to move, i met martin (my now husband) and felt an incredible urge to stay in ny. fast forward a year later, we are living together, and i take a break from law school, start at my old job again, and we get engaged! i think if i had never decided to go to law school, i would've done something else like move somewhere else and i wouldn't have met him, or would've met him much later. so even though law school was a huge expense, finance and stress wise, it was well worth it in the end:) its like in that movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" when Diane Lane talks about how if she had taken any other arbitrary road she would be somewhere else, she would be different. Its a great movie if you haven't seen it yet!! :)
I do not regret, either. I may reflect and wonder...but the decisions and paths I have chosen have gotten me to where I am today. And where I am....is not too bad. :-)
The sum total of those regrets, rehashes and false starts are what we call "experience."
And what gives up that all important leg up on our kids.
This is a great post. I sometimes think of the mistakes I have made in my past but think those mistakes made me the person I am today.
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Great post. I feel exactly the same as you. Reflection is a good thing but I find regret completely pointless, as you say we have no control over the past!
Sorry to hear about your job, hope that the Masters thing works out...I'll keep my fingers crossed x
I try not to have regrets in life. It's hard not to look back and see the glaring mistakes but all I can do is move forward and do my best.
I go back and forth on this...sometimes I tend to focus too much on past regrets even though I can't change any of them. I know my life is that much richer and meaningful because of everything that's happened in my life, the good and the bad.
This was a wonderful post...thank you for sharing it!
So sorry to hear about your pink slip...you have an amazing attitude about it. It sounds like you have some wonderful things on the horizon though!
While I might dwell on past events, I too agree that if those things hadn't happened, future things also wouldn't have happened.
I was dating the douchest loser ever when I met my now-husband and if I hadn't, I wouldnt appreciate the hubs as much as I do.
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