Rather than let it all stew in my head; I believe I will pour it out here.
I started a new ED place over the summer, as they wanted me to go somewhere more "intense."
Blech.
I always start off the school year not doing well. At all. This year I did the best I've ever done. Not perfect by any means, but much, much better than in the past.
I still don't "like" myself, and am still not comfortable in my body like I wish to be. I sit here wearing AE jeans in a size 2, and look in the mirror and think how fat my thighs look. I hate that and hope to change it someday. I try
to self talk like, "those thighs are powerhouses that take you on 20 mile runs!" Sometimes it works, mostly not.
My dr. asked me if I have friends to turn to when I am in a rough spot. I answered yes. Then? She asked the harder question....Do you GO to them when you are in a rough spot?
Oh! That's how that is supposed to work! Silly me.
So, to help hold myself more accountable? Feel free to email me-or whatever- and pester me. Even if you don't feel you "know" me well enough to do so. You may have the words I need to hear that day. Thank you.
Finally, feel FREE to nominate me for Stick Artist of the Year. There are about a billion 4th grade students this year who never tie their shoes, so I provided motivation.
35 comments:
you are a artist for the ages...
and for the record thick running thighs are sexy, very sexy...
Oh Sara! Look at it like this, most people would love to be in a size 2..so you shuold be proud of your body and all that you accomplish!! Running 20 miles(daily), check. Raising awesome kids, check. Full-time teacher, check. Awesome wife, check. Beating your EA, check! So when you look in that mirror and see your thighs or whatever else makes you unhappy...just think of all the wonderful things YOU HAVE that do make you happy!!!
Take it one step, one day at a time and I just bet you'll get there sooner then later! Oh, and if you ever need a shoulder to lean on...you know you can write anyone of us and we would gladly help you out!!! ((hugs))
you should quit teaching and persue becoming an artist full time!
I'd totally buy that :)
The second stick figure made me giggle-- thick neck!
You do know that only the most egostical people in the world are comfortable in their skins? Correct me if I'm wrong. I don't think ANYBODY is happy with their own bodies... unless they're in love with themselves. I'm not making my point clear enough, I see many things wrong with what I just said, but I know what I mean and I hope you do too!
I'm so glad this year is going better than most for your ED.
you are an amazing person, and if you have the willpower and ability to run 20 miles, you totally can beat this!
Love your blog and you!!! Keep fighting the ED and you will get it more under control each day...I also have a daily struggle to decide the make the right choices and it makes it a TINY bit easier that it is a just a daily choice and not seeing it as the "rest of my life" - however, I do not believe these things ever go away..we just continue to keep them in check (which, by the way, is a whole lot better than the hand that some others get dealt - just for today I am grateful to be able to keep myself on the correct path - baby steps_ AND most importantly remember - it is a journey...enjoy each day!!! Thanks for all of your amazing experience and wisdom - I hope to keep learning from your blog and I am sooo happy to have met you in blog land!!!!!
I work in an Emergency Room, but of course Emergency doctors don't want to refer to it as the ER because it isn't just a ROOM, it's a whole DEPARTMENT. So we call it the ED. So when you said you went to a new ED place, at first I was a little confused. Aaaaand then I felt stupid.
You should draw a pic of a kid falling flat on his face w/ his shoes untied. Just sayin'...
I know you know that you can always come to me... maybe you should have a code word for bad days, so you don't have to feel like you have to be super vulnerable, but just get it out there that you need some encouragement. Just a one word tweet, or post.
Just a thought.
I love you friend!
Those stick people are particularly awesome.
I have a hard time asking for help too. Even from my husband. I'll be huffing and puffing about whatever is bothering me and he'll be all "can i help you?" and then I'll be like "No." But then later I'll realize wait a minute. Yes I do need help. It's hard to realize it when you are in the heat of something, whatever it may be.
The stick people rock! And to keep myself accountable back in the day, I literally made a chart like in kindergarten and gave myself stars when I "behaved". Enough stars and I got myself a prize. Hey, whatever works, right? Maybe I need to bust out that chart again because, though now on the opposite end of the spectrum, I still need healthy habits!! Stay strong. And yes, friends are for tough spots!!!
You are a far better stick artist than I can ever hope to be.
ED are such a hard battle..food is a major necessity in our lives, not something we can avoid. So our demons are there to stare at us on a daily basis....
Well, I may not know you personally, but I think you're awesome. Anyone who can run as much as you, be a size 2, draw awesome stick figures and have an addiction to Reese's like me, you ROCK!!! Love ya!!
You know you can always toss an email my way. I'm pretty losery and will drop anything for a conversation. I don't have an ED, but sometimes I think about starting one. But it seems like a lot of work, and well, I'm too lazy for that. But I do feel your pain. Everyone tells me I'm small but that's not what I see. Be strong take it a day at a time. When you start getting frustrated by your thighs, focus on how awesome your hair looks. It will pass.
Love ya!
I just found your blog via RLAM and kept following since your a Cities gal.
My thoughts even though I don't know you well...you are a child of God. Not in a cheesy, what is she saying way, but in a you have value, your value comes from within. That is where your true beauty lies.
All the best to you.
Oh honey chil' just one of my thighes wouldn't even come close to fitting in a size 2!!!!
I appauld & love you!!! You are amazing and have inspired me to jog....NOT RUN...but slowly jog and walk and then jog some more to get my own thighes up and moving(so i can steal your size 2 AE jeans)!!!
...cause you are HOT MAMA :O)
P.S.and yes I am here to pester you every day if needed to let you know I am here for you every step...well that and I may need to borrow some of that body glide goo too :O)
many, many hugs to you!!!
You ARE amazing!
First off---the stick photos rock. You should teach your kids how to double knot---then they can just slip their shoes on and off no problem. I don't remember the last time I tied a pair of shoes:)
Second-you're aware of the things you want to change about yourself and your DOING something about it! Not everyone is that strong.
Third---20 miles! In a day! That's more than lots of people do in a week. Or a month!
I think I might be able to fit my left arm into your size 2 jeans. Maybe.
I think you rock. Not many mamas can pull off all that you do and fit into ae jeans! And I may have fit into size 2 for a day back in the 7th grade.
Stay strong and keep fighting the good fight. Here for you even though we've never met!
Stick people are the only kind I can draw. I use to draw out the choreography to my beam routines entirely in stick people. It was entertaining.
Secondly - I flirted with an ED for a bit during my gymnast days. I still have the gymnast thighs. There are days I hate them and other days where I realize things like I'm fit, not fat. I had ab muscles showing until my 5th month of pregnancy.
You are amazing for being able to run 20 miles - I can't do a mile. You are a teacher and a mom - pretty awesome.
I'll be checking in on you too just to be sure - k?
Hang in there. You are a beautiful woman both inside and out.
I'm sure you've heard this a million times, but a size 2 is very small. Your thighs can't be that big if you fit into those tiny jeans. It's all in your head, my friend.
You need to stay healthy for your family.
On a side note, the "stick" people are hilarious. What's with the big neck on the second one? Bahahaha...that cracked me up!
Have a great weekend.
I can start stalking you if you want. Or even if you don't want it.
Everyone has that one thing about themselves that's a huge battle. For you, it's an ED. For me, it's overeating. We should join forces and meet in the middle : )
I so wish you could be Jakob's teacher next year! He would dig you. And not in a weird way, in a good way.
Hang in there girl, you've got this.
I love you!! <3
Oh and p.s......my right foot would like to give your AE size 2 jeans a try:) I have this thing coming up and maybe I could just borrow them? But I might need to borrow another size 2 for the other foot......just sayin:) xoxo
(*whispering* I'm a size 2 and feel the same way sometimes)
And you should totally win stick figure drawer of the year!
You are so talented....I am impressed
Size 2 jeans?!! I am impressed!
I don't have an ED..but I seriously am thinking of it lately.
You rock, girl, and I love you and your awesome stick figures a lot!
Have a superb weekend!
Warm hugs!
B xx
Funny - it's so much about perspective. My wife is a super thin, but nicely curved size 6 and she would kill for a 2.
Your stick-figure art rocks!
You are doing a tough thing. Looking to others for accountability is tough too. Blessings and peace....
I'm getting caught back up... I just read your last 20 or so posts, and now I'm up to date! I love the relay race that you did... and it has been AGES since I have even thought about puppy chow. Now... I do believe there will be some made in my kitchen this week!!
Your ImPossible story brought me to tears... I lived through the same experience with the boy who lived next door to us when I was in the 9th grade. I totally understand and relate to the blocking it from your memory so that it is now all just a fuzzy blur.
Sounds like you have your hands full this year with your students!
Thin or not, we all have body issues. I love that you are so open about yours. Hugs and you have come a long way and will continue to go further!
Oh, I especially love the neck on stick man number 2!! lol
I echo a lot of people whne I say I have body issues. I'm a size zero and I don't like my body a bit. I'm tired of media saying we have to look JUST like this model/actress/famous person. I'm also tired of clothing labels making the clothes sizes change. I used to wear a four six or seven years ago. My body weight, shape and size hasn't changed in 15 years! What's up with that??
You are beautiful at a size 2 and would be if you were a size 20 (although heaven forbid). Stab those nasty thoughts with sharp knives because they're all lies!
I have a certain number on the scale that I am not supposed to go under. If I dip even a pound under it, I have a friend I have to tell (and oddly enough I'm finally mature enough to actually turn to her for help). As long as I stay at or above that, I'm good. It helps so much to have accountability and support from safe friends!
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