Rant

I am off on a well, rant of sorts. I am not sure if it truly qualifies as a rant, or more as a few different ideas on my mind right now. I am going to spew them out here, and then see if I can make the points converge at some point. We'll see how I do. Feel free to leave at anytime, I will not be offended, as I'd rather have you read it all and respond (if you choose) honestly than anything else.

Tonight, I saw a picture on twitter that set me off. It basically talked about how you "Earn your body" as well as our desire to " make ourselves look better." Why did it set me off? I guess for several reasons.

First? It begins on a negative tone, and one that directly contrasts the messages we are sent in the media.

On one side, we are barraged from places like McDonalds, telling us about the "Simple Joy of Burgers", or to "Share the Comfort." Godiva tells us to "indulge" a little. There are millions more out there, and we are so used to them we are almost immune. We "know" the feeling they are trying to create in us, "I've been so good, why not indulge in a little chocolate (or fill in the blank.) Look at any women's magazine. The cover is filled with ways to:

• Save money (while making wonderful meals,) beat stress (there is NEVER an issue without bringing that bad boy up) lose 10 lbs this month, while making this delicious looking cake, (which I'd better not eat,) as it would cause that weight loss to drop, and that stress to go up?Sheesh, my blood pressure rises just reading the cover. No wonder these are placed next to the candy at the grocery store.

Or? Should I indulge, because, really? What does it hurt to "treat" yourself a little, right?

Then? We are slammed on the other side with our rising obesity, diabetes, and heart attack rates. We are touted the benefits of "green" living, being healthy, and staying balanced. The people who "do it right."

• • •

My heart hurts a little when I read blog posts all over blog land about people who are trying to lose weight and having a hard time. They slam on themselves, their "willpower", motivation, self worth...anything.

We are so hard on ourselves, aren't we? Whether it be about weight, looks, money, family, exercise, work...it is endless. (I find myself at the top of the heap of being hard on myself, obviously.)

I am one to be interested in the way our brains work. When I can dig in, and find the "nuts and bolts" of why our brains process information the way they do, what are the underlying causes behind different emotional patterns, I feel better. (fine, it is one thing to know and another to act on it) I "get" our emotional vs. rational parts of our brain.

The rational side of us makes the goals. I'll lose the weight. I'll exercise every day. I'll be more organized... (and it feels darn good to be in control.)

We start off with a vigor, excited at the new task ahead, with clear hopes of a big finish. Then the fatigue sets in. Change is hard. It requires a lot of us, in both our emotional and rational mindsets. When it gets hard? We often head back to our "emotional" side.

If you have ever emotionally eaten, this will resonate with you. You know how those feelings are so hard to deal with, shout so loudly, push so hard? Then? You deal with them by eating something. Immediate relief, followed by immediate guilt. For those 3-5 seconds, it felt so good. Until the guilt set in. "How could you eat that?" "Where is your self control?" "You failed!" "You will never lose the weight by eating like this." (And worse, of course, we all know they can get worse.)

Do we take the time to examine the emotions? I know I don't. I am learning, slowly, but it is a failure most of the time. I also know that when I see messages in media, on blogs, twitter, it reinforces my thought patterns. If I do not attend 110% to telling myself to ignore the messages being thrown my way, I am sucked back into it. (and yep, it happens to me on a daily, if not hourly basis)

I in no way believe that most of us mean to reinforce these, it is more of a sign of our society, and the values we place on looks, size and such, of which I am an active participant.

I'll read the the magazine at the checkout, and that voice in the back of my head will say, "Shouldn't have skipped that workout, huh? See that lady in line in front of you? Way thinner than you. She figured it out, why can't you?" (and you know this doesn't always have to do with weight. We each fight our own battle,this being the one most familiar to me.)

• • •

If you are a reader? If you've ever tried to change, gone on a diet, wondered why it is so hard to initiate change in some areas of your life, (i.e, eating) yet have no problem with a huge change (getting married, babies, moving) I ask plead challenge beg suggest that you take a look at a couple of books.

Switch: How to Change When Change is Hard

Switch gives real world, applicable, easy to read and comprehend reasons behind our thought patterns. It plays a part in taking that look at yourself, your goals, and why meeting them can be so difficult.

Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works

If you have ever been on a diet, tried to lose weight, tried to change your eating habits, whatever it may be, this will resonate with you. You will find a part of yourself in this book. I am often stunned when I page through it. And one day? I sorta hope to be able to apply the principles of the book. baby steps, sara, baby steps.

As I said in the beginning of this post. I don't pretend this will make a lot of sense to you, as it hardly does to myself. My hope is that I personally learn from this, writing it out, re reading it and reflecting on it. If I were able to touch one other person with it? Even better. Otherwise, I'll take the benefit of knowing I am working through my own sh*&. I just know that one picture set me off, and I needed to say this.

Please remember? Dammit, you are beautiful, awesome, perfectly imperfect. Right now, right this minute. Smooch.