As chosen by Elijah. Painfully so. He was all, "Why should I pick an number?" "what is this for?" "Well, a smart choice would be ..., or possibly..., or..."
Thank you for the wonderful comments on the last post. It has taken me years to begin internalizing self compassion, and my setbacks occur often. Friday was a SETBACK, in which i LEARNED from. Learning experience. needed. needed. oh wait, that's my deal. oops. moving on.
Once in awhile, I get a person who asks me about eating related things. Since I do not think I have the best...um, handle...on it yet, I turned to people who do. If someone does ask me about what has helped, or what may be helpful, I want to have an sound, mindful, trusting resource list for them. I know not every one of us has these eating issues, if so, they are of varying degrees, and manifest themselves in different ways. Much like my ADHD post, I'm simply interested in sharing my story.
Jean Fain, a psychotherapist who recently wrote the book "Self-Compassion Diet," has been an enormous support to me regarding self-compassion. Her entire practice is built upon self-compassion, mindfulness and belief in yourself.
This is what has been the hardest for me. Belief in myself and that I can be trusted to know what is best for my body, and what it needs. (Which, of course, most diets don't want us to believe either, because we won't buy their products otherwise!)
I'll admit. I have a hard time trusting myself. The nutritionist I see and I can spend a great deal of time evaluating the reasons why I should not trust myself, but eventually her rationalization wins out. (hate that. every. single.time.)
That's why I was curious as to Jean's path. Any one of us who has tried to lose weight has probably participated in many of the different weight loss ideas. My question then? When do we move to mindful eating? Is there a defining moment in which we realize the diminishing returns on our current methods; therefore we are open to this approach?
So, what is Jean's story?
Personal history:
•I gained weight in my late teens, and it was such a miserable experience, I was determined to learn how to lose weight and keep it off, so I’d never experience it again.
•When I was 19, I took a year off from college to travel.
I expected to see some amazing sites, which I did,
but I never expected to encounter so much loneliness, depression, anxiety.
Eating, always a comfort, became my ONLY comfort, my best coping strategy.
Instead of feeling lonely, depressed or anxious, I ate chocolate, and cookies and cake.
I don’t even like chocolate!
But sweets worked better than valium. I felt better instantly, but I gained 20-25 pounds.
•I took a journey, and not the jaunt most American dieters expect to take.
I started on the road most traveled: DIETING
Like most dieters, I tried everything: Atkins, Weight Watchers, fasting… I drew the line at colon cleansing… but nothing worked, not for very long.
I’d lose weight, then regain more… but that didn’t stop me from trying the next big diet.
If I only tried harder, I thought, I’d lose weight once and for all.
Fat chance! It didn’t work that way.
•Next stop: EXERCISE
Exercising actually delivered what dieting didn’t: a healthy, sustainable weight!
It wasn’t a cure-all. I still used food to manage my mood, but I didn’t regain the weight.
•My journey continued -- I kept learning everything I could about keeping the body fit,
Eventually, I got curious about mind’s role in all of this.
I went back to school, studied to became a psychotherapist and an expert in mind-body strategies for health, happiness and sustainable weight loss.
My conclusions… well, there all right here in “The Self-Compassion Diet.”
For myself? I was not raised in a way which encouraged mindful eating. Therefore, I am coming at this later. It is refreshing to know she fought the same battles before learning mindful eating.
However? This whole trust thing. I asked Jean:
For myself, the intuitive approach to eating was almost scary. Most diets give us a plan, a path to follow, a prescribed way to eat. We assume these are made by experts, and have proof of their success. Success on the diet depends on our ability to adhere to the plan. With the self compassion approach, we rely more on ourselves and learning from ourselves and listening to our body. The plan isn't as black and white, which can be scary, as we have to trust ourselves. Do you see this as such?
Her response?
I think you're right on when you say: "With the self-compassion approach, we rely more on ourselves and learning from ourselves and listening to our body. The plan isn't as black and white, which can be scary, as we have to trust ourselves."
There's no one route to intuitive eating. Individuals who are interested in intuitive or mindful eating have no choice but to find their own way. I find that most clients with weight or other eating issues start with and stick with dieting until it's clearly adding to their problem... until it's helping them gain, not lose, weight... until it's helping them to have less, not more of an inner sense of control. Only then are they ready to open their minds to trusting the expert who knows them best -- themself! Once their minds are open, sometimes veteran dieters have to revisit counting points, calories, carbs or whatever they're counting before they're ultimately ready to let go of dieting and embrace intuitive eating.
"Getting a handle on eating issues is a journey, not the jaunt American dieters are determined to make it." --Jean Fain
That is now my journey, learning what is best for myself, what my body wants and needs. (However, admittedly I am awesome at revisiting my diet methods. Awesome.)
Jean is also willing to answer your questions on her approach as well. You can check out more about her at:
JeanFain.com
New York Times
Amazon
Huffington Post
Diets In Review
Time
If you have a question or comment, let me know, and I will be passing it on to Jean! As well, leave a comment for a CHANCE TO WIN A COPY OF THE SELF-COMPASSION DIET! (provided & gifted by yours truly)
24 comments:
Thanks for sharing this - very valuable information. I would love to add this book to my "to-read" stack! :)
Great post! I am certainly lacking in self compassion.
Wow this is amazing. I will want to know how do this after the baby comes. This book sounds amazing and easy to follow and by a very understanding person Thanks for sharing..
I just ate way more PB Cup ice cream than I should. I need some self compassion!
The book sounds wonderful. I really think this intuitive eating thing you describe here is the only way to really stay healthy, combined with exercise of course. I've struggled with my weight for the past ten (or more) years, but I always find that when I'm exercising regularly, my body has a way of telling me what to eat and what not to eat, and then I don't need to worry about sticking to diet plans.
All this talking about food and dieting is making me wish I didn't eat that last Reese's egg. Mmmm... But I did think of you, when I ate it. :)
Throw my name in the hat for this giveaway. Girl, you know I have issues and need all the help I can get.
This would be a fabulous book. I hate the word diet and thus I never stick with them. But I do love eating and trying new food which can sometime put on the pounds. So this looks like a book I must read.
Blessings!
Wow... this is really fascinating. Definitely need to add this book to my "to read" list!
I love this! I may need to head to the library :)
It sounds silly to say I'm so proud of you, because it's nothing that I've done. You've come such a long way. It warms my heart. I hope you are proud of yourself and all you're doing and will continue to do.
Sounds like a great book, and thanks for posting this information. I struggle with diet and food and exercise daily. Today I'm starting to really think about everything that goes in my mouth. Not exactly counting calories, but really stopping it with the bad snack choices. I feel so much better when I'm eating healthier and exercising, you know?
I am trying my best to get rid of my critical attitude towards myself. I can give others grace but not myself. This book sounds like a great start!
Setback or not, you're doing great and I appreciate you sharing some of the things that are helping you. Self-compassion is something I could use more of. As is compassion in general. :-)
This is such a hopeful post. Thank you so much for the resource!
Sounds like a book I could really use...thanks for the chance to win and for continuing to share your story! You're very inspiring :)
I've heard a little bit about this, and things like intuitive eating. They sound good and I think they would work well for me...if my binge eating didn't overtake my intuitive eating:)
This book sounds really fascinating...I am definitely adding it to my lengthy list of things to check out!
I know when I say this everyone will want to come after me with pitch forks and torches, LOL, but I've always had the opposite problem with weight. It's hard for most to understand what I went through in school b/c they think they would give anything to be skinny, but I was picked on and had horrible self image issues leading to so many problems. I even ate till I got sick trying to gain weight. Now that I'm 33, I finally have reached 125 lbs, more than I ever weighed when I was pregnant and I'm 5'7 1/2". The point is you can be out of shape and hate yourself no matter your weight and I think that speaks volumes of our society. I'm so glad women are finally speaking out and sticking together. I hope for the sake of my tween daughter things will get better soon. She is as tall as me and weighs 80 lbs maybe, my heart breaks for her and every other girl growing up looking at whats on TV.
So anyway, don't be so hard on yourself!
Intuitive eating has been a hard one for me to get a grip on as well!
I think it's great how you're trying to help people.
My parents did not instill mindful eating in me either, so now both my mom and I are working toward using mindful choices.
What a beautiful book cover. And y'know, I wouldn't mind having your eating disorder if I could also have your figure!
You're doing a great thing by sharing your experience and I'm sure others are benefitting from it.
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